Richard Vernon: [Andrew laughs at Bender's backtalk] You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's "bitchin," is that it? Let me tell you something. Look at him - he's a bum. You want to see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years. You'll see how goddamned funny he is.
Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
Bender: Eat my shorts.
Richard Vernon: What was that?
Bender: Eat... My... Shorts.
Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.
Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.
Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.
Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
Andrew Clark: If I lose my temper you're totaled, man!
John Bender: Totally?
Andrew Clark: Totally.
Cady: What do we even talk about?
Janis: [shrugs shoulders] Hair products!
Damian: [interrupts] Ashton Kutcher.
Cady: Is that a band?
Cady: Half the people in this room are mad at me, and the other half only like me because they think I pushed somebody in front a bus, so that's not good.
A wire-y man with silver hair and a well maintained nickel-plated mustache has...– The William Beckett - JURY SELECTION ON MY BIRTHDAY