fuckyeahhunterburgan:

Q: Do you believe in horoscopes?
Hunter Burgan: Yeah, I’ve seen them, so that’s made a believer out of me. I don’t acually read them, but I certainly believe they exist.

A mess of recently favorited tweets

Lord_Voldemort7 Lord Voldemort 
#thingswomenshouldstopdoing Tiger Woods.

FakeAPStylebook Fake AP Stylebook 
When writing about Kanye West, please realize that you’re just encouraging him.

aedison Avery Edison 
I manage to avoid self-esteem issues by not having any self-esteem.

Lord_Voldemort7 Lord Voldemort 
I don’t care what you look like, it’s what’s inside that I can’t stand. 

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
I Buried Mommy #sadchildrensbooks 

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
So Your Daddy’s In Prison #sadchildrensbooks 

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
101 Crimes To Commit Before You Can Be Tried As An Adult #sadchildrensbooks 

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
My Son The Sociopath #sadchildrensbooks 

TranquilMammoth Hunter Burgan 
It might be time to buy a chainsaw.

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
This poison tastes funny, I think it’s gone bad!

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
When Twitter is over capacity I revert back to the original beta version of Twitter—smoke signals.

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
I remember having a “facebook” back before it was popular—a 17th century occult medical text bound in the tanned hide of a real human face!

CurtisRx Curtis Rx 
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, I prefer to use a harpoon gun & electrified fencing.

@TranquilMammoth:

@wordenough:

I feel grossed out every time I see the web ad claiming I can lose belly fat using a “weird old tip.” Tip of what?

Depending on the degree of obesity, there’s a good chance the entire thing might be required, and not just the weird old tip.